weight loss: the beignning…

marion-jones.jpg

I have made every excuse for not going to the gym and working out.  I have steadily put on the pounds for quite some time now.  I am at the highest weight I have ever been (according to the scale in my Dr.’s office) and am 262lbs.  I am considered extremely obese by medical standards and that’s not ok with me.  Although I carry my weight well and no one believes me when I say that I am over 250lbs, I need to lose a lot of weight.  My goal weight is 170lbs, which means that I need to lose a total of 92lbs.  I know that every summer I tell myself that I am going to lose weight so that on my birthday I will look good, but that hasn’t happened as of yet.  I know that every time my birthday rolls around (particularly after New Year’s) I tell myself that I will lose weight before summer–that too hasn’t happened as of yet either.  I have all of these good intentions and I have these pictures in my head of what I will look like, but what is it that is keeping me from losing all this weight?  Why do I continue to pack on the pounds and do in the complete opposite direction of my intended goal and destination?  I have been lazy and apathetic about doing all of this–maybe it’s because I might not know how to go about losing all of this weight.  Maybe it’s because I’ve tried this time and time again and haven’t managed to lose the weight and keep it off successfully.  Whatever the reason, it hasn’t happened and I’m irritated with myself.

I have decided to keep a journal about my journey–one that I believe will be my last in regards to losing weight.  however slow or fast this process is I will track it all the way, everyday.  I am using this journal as accountability for myself and for those who read it.  I’m not saying that it’s not going to be easy, but I’m sick and tired of feeling the way that I am and I;m especially tired of continuing to gain weight steadily.  I am going to chronicle my weight loss, my workouts, my eating habits, my free time.  I am looking to capture my habits (both good and bad) on paper so that at a later time I can analyze the results and habit changes accordingly.  I will record everything–my successes, my failures, the ups, the downs, the short term goals, and the long term goals.

Let me say something here.  To get to this point I had to do a lot of soul searching and a lot of talking to the Lord.  I have realized through my quiet time with him that the reason why I am continuing to gain weight is because deep down I don’t value myself–that I don’t think that I am important enough.  It is obvious what I value, and I value food and not exercising regularly.  how can I expect anyone else in this world to value me the way that I should be valued if I can’t do it myself?  I am starting this journey for me.  I am starting it to prove a point that I can reach the goals that I set for myself.  I am starting it because I’m tired of dreaming about what it would be like to be back at 170lbs–I want to live it again!  I have set a game plan before me and now it’s game time–time to execute this plan.

I am doing this for me.  I am doing is so that I can feel better about myself.  I am doing it so that I can raise my self confidence and self esteem.  I am doing it so that I can say that I lost the weight and kept it off.  I am doing it so that I can inspire others to do what I am doing.  I am doing it for my future husband–whoever he is.  I am doing it because I am asking for God’s best and I know that it’s only fair and right to give and look my best.  I believe in the power of sowing and reaping, and so I will sow health.  I am sowing time and energy.  I am sowing discipline and self-control.  This is a battle that I have been fighting for as long as I can remember.  It’s time to take control of my life, to take control of my weight, and get serious.  I have seem where my current path has taken me and I don’t like it.  I have made the choice to no longer continue down this self destructive path and in doing so I have changed directions in mu life.  I am excited and scared all at the same time.  I am glad that I am on this journey.  I am even more excited that I am not on this journey alone.  So come along with me and let’s get started!

Advertisements

~ by visionaryvanguard on Wednesday, 2007 June 20.

2 Responses to “weight loss: the beignning…”

  1. AMEN so proud of you little sister!!!

  2. You are on the right path for all of the right reasons. All of the information that you need is available to you. I have a lot of personal experience with this and have lost over 90 pounds myself. I understand your pain and your fear. You have much to learn about yourself and your body. Be patient, this will be a life-long journey. You will reach your goal but you will always need to learn new things about yourself and your body and how it changes and reacts to foods. You can be healthier and you will. Just do it afraid.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: