I haven’t been seeing right…

At 2:30pm today I am having a routine procedure done to my eyes called LASIK. After having my eyes thoroughly examined to see of I was a canidate for this procedure, the optomitrist told me a couple things that I did not know about my vision.

1. I have an astigmatism in my right eye (something that I already knew), and that as a result I have been seeing 3 objects instead of 1
2. The halos that I see around lights at night is NOT NORMAL!!!

With LASIK being done today, the way that I have been seeing the world around me will change drastically.

Shoot, this is a message in itself…more on that later…

5 things i’m believing for in 2009…

I think that this is the first year that I have actually spent time thinking about the things that I am believing for in the new year to come.  After years and years of disappointment because my list didn’t get checked off I thought of giving up this year — and actually did before yesterday. 

I realized that in making my list in the past I completely forgot to include God in the whole process.  I figured that I didn’t need to include Him in the process of making the list because He was already going to make it happen.  Wrong…and mistake #1.

That being said, in the throes of my self pity this evening and my lack of faith in the Holy Spirit that He would actually help me make a list, I prayed and then started to free write–and what do ya know…I got wrote a list that is totally and completely inspired by Him (and so happens to be completely different from last years list, and that of many previous years).  I really couldn’t have come up with this list on my own…plus, I really didn’t want to do one because I know where it got me in the past.

Thanks Holy Spirit…You really are good, ya know!

5 things I’m believing for in 2009:

1.  A new me.  A healthier me.  A change in my lifestyle and one that helps me move closer to my ultimate weight loss goal of weighing 170-180lbs.

2.  The faith and courage to work past my fears and failures.  To always remember the goals I have set with the help of the Holy Spirit.

3.  To create something great–whether through painting, photography, music, writing, blogging–something that will inspire others to be creative and free.  Allowing my creativity to flourish past the thought that what I create might not be absolutely perfect.

4.  To learn how to play my guitar well so I can worship in a new way.

5.  Complete healing where it hurts.  Faith in God, faith in Jesus and His works, and faith in the infinite abilities of the Holy Spirit in places where I lacked it.  Strength where I am weak.  Courage to fail and try again.  TRUST IN GOD INSTEAD OF TRUST IN ME.

how the bail-out works: a simple example…

I got this from Jorge Aleman’s facebook…thanks Jorge…this really made my day!

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.’ Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’ Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’ Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’ Chuck now works for the Goldman Sachs.

(from a Merrill Researcher)

black in today’s america and the visible man…

I’m gonna be honest right now.  I’ve been a little torn as a black in America today—well, biracial to be exact (black and Mexican).  I am very excited and happy for Barack Obama as our president-elect, but as someone who voted for McCain, I was a little saddened that he failed to secure the 270 electoral votes to claim victory for the presidency.  All the same, I’ve been experiencing this strange feeling that I somehow am a traitor to African-Americans because I didn’t vote for Obama.  Yes, history was made a few days ago when America voted in their first African-American president, shattering many of the racial barriers that have been experienced by blacks, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to vote for someone who did not have the same moral standards and ideals for the future as I do.

I feel that some people voted for Obama because he was African-American—and the argument can be made that some people voted for McCain because he was ‘white’, but somehow it’s different…even though I know it shouldn’t be.  I have never really dealt with feelings like this before…and maybe it’s because I live in San Jose, California and not in a more racially charged state, city or town.

I have both friends and family who blame the ‘white man’ for their issues…I have both friends and family that believe that ‘blacks’ can’t get ahead because of the ‘white man.’  I can confidently say that I have witnessed and better yet, heard several dozens of people tell me and about their plight as an African-American in American society today, and how ‘blacks’ get the short end of the stick a majority of the time.  But with Barack Obama now being voted in as president of the United States, what will become of their issues and views on life?

What women in recent years like Oprah and Condoleezza Rice have done for African-American women, Barack Obama has done for African-American men.  Although I do not share the same views with my friends and family members stated above, I do believe that these people are now, more than ever, accountable and responsible for their own actions, success and views on life.  Although I know the bigotry and racism still exist in America today, and that undoubtedly it will be experienced, there is no more saying that ‘blacks’ can’t make it to the top—for crying out loud…Barack Obama has made it to the ultimate top..he’s top dog.

I would be remiss in all of this if I did not say that not all African-Americans think like this nor have views on life like the above, though—so please don’t get offended and think that I am lumping all African-Americans into the same category.  I know that there are hundreds of thousands of African Americans out there who are struggling through this just as I am.

I’m still sorting through all of this…and this is pretty much as far as I have gotten.

More later…

PS – Soon after getting these thoughts down on paper, I heard this great commentary on ‘Morning Edition’ on my local NPR station, 88.5FM (SF Bay Area).  It’s good to know I’m not alone in thinking about the repercussions (both positive and negative) of Barack Obama being our president-elect, and how it will effect African-American society and myself for that matter.

Read on!!

November 7, 2008
Is Black America Ready For A Black President?

“Well, Obama was ready, willing and able to run for all of us. Are all of us ready for him?”
The response to the call of “Yes, we can” was the election of Barack Obama to the highest office in the land. It’s amazing when you figure that a whole lot of people who’ve never even had a black boss have proven ready for a person of color as president.

But as the euphoria of the night turns into a Vegas-style buffet of harsh realities, we have to ask: Though America seems ready for a black president, is Black America really ready for a black president?
Sounds a little strange, sure. Emotionally, obviously. But what about practically?

Obama ran as a post-racial candidate. During his campaign, he suggested replacing race-based affirmative action with measures weighted toward socioeconomic factors. He gave a Father’s Day speech encouraging black dads to be more engaged. And for his trouble, he was reward with an offer of castration from Jesse Jackson.

Which, as an aside, makes me wonder if on election night Jackson was crying tears of joy, or if he was getting misty-eyed because he knew his day was done?

Obama isn’t alone in inciting ire for extolling personal responsibility. Comedian Bill Cosby delivered his “Pound Cake” speech on the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education and claimed that not all blacks were “holding up their end of the bargain.” In return, he was accused of being a race traitor. As if self-reliance equaled self-hatred.

Sorry, but not waiting for somebody else to get it done is a value that brought people of color up from slavery, through a failed Reconstruction and Jim Crow, to the shared experience of this past Tuesday.

The fear for some is that Obama’s election will start people thinking, “Hey, guess we can roll up the civil rights carpet.” Hardly. Let’s face it: There are gonna be bigots in America for the foreseeable future.

But the cry of the Old Schoolers that American is a racist nation begins to ring hollow. In the era of Obama — along with Oprah and Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell and Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick and business executives Dick Parsons and Ken Chenault and on and on — are those who’ve made bank flogging the victim stick ready to quit talking about who needs to be cut where and start admitting that yes, we can?

There was a text message sent around before the election that read: “Rosa sat so Martin could march. Martin marched so Obama could run.”

Well, Obama was ready, willing and able to run for all of us. Are all of us ready for him?

$390,000,000 and other things along the “money” line…

Word on the street is that the Democratic Presidential Nominee, Barack Obama, has raised over $390,000,000 (yes…that’s million!) for his campaign and he’s still going.  From what I can see, he has been spending that money on ads, banners, signs, payroll for his employees, and who knows what else…obviously things that every and any Presidential candidate needs to run a successful campaign.

But come on……………………….$390,000,000………………………….seriously?!  I could care less if Obama raises more than McCain…but with our economy in the fragile state that it’s in, have you ever wondered what the American economy would be like if everyone raised that much money or even a fraction of that amount and gave it towards paying off our debts—our own personal debts for that matter?  Have we become such a greedy and self serving country that we demand that the Government bail us out from an economic crisis that was caused by the very greed that fueled and caused this historic downturn?

We’re a bunch of tantrum throwing Americans that when we don’t get our way, the stock market drops in a historic way.  Mind you, I say ‘we’ because I am guilty of being pissed at this whole situation that, in my own way, I have contributed to.

A few questions I ask myself that just have to do with money in general:

1. Earlier this year we tax-paying Americans received an economic stimulus check that was meant to do just that for our economy—stimulate it and jump start spending.  I know I put my money towards paying down my debt.  But what did the millions of other Americans do with their check?  Did that check work in jump starting our economy?  Where did the money “really” come from if America has more than 1 Trillion dollar deficit?  How am I going to pay for receiving and cashing in this check in the future?
2. AIG…what in the world happened there?
3. Where is all of this money coming from that is saving these investment banks and insurance companies?  How is it that we have the money to bail out these companies but we can’t eliminate our deficit?

Perhaps I am asking the wrong questions.  Perhaps I am asking the questions that other people are asking.  Perhaps I don’t know what I’m talking about because I may not be completely educated on how our great country handles its’ finances.

One thing I know, and it’s this:  I’m looking at the numbers that are in the news every day.  I am reading the news articles and trying to stay abreast of this whole situation.  Something just isn’t adding up…and I am getting the feeling that I’ll be paying for all of this in the near future.  My only prayer is that I equip my children with the ability to be successful even in difficult circumstances like we are in today.  I do not want to burden them with the thought of not being able to buy a loaf of bread because it costs $5.00/loaf or the thought of buying gas for their cars at $10.00/gal.

I just want to do my part.

I covered a lot of ground and now that I am rereading what I typed I have covered perhaps more than one topic here.  I’m not saying that we are in this situation as Americans because of Obama…rather, I’m just using the fact that he has raised so much as a conversation starter…to get people to dialogue about how money can be so easily raised for a good cause, whatever that may be.  Also, I am using it to ask some questions about our current financial crisis here in America.

Hey, don’t hate me for this blog…I’m just thinking out loud and maybe saying those things that other people are thinking but won’t say.

Thoughts?  Comments?

snl weekend update thursdays…

I am absolutely thrilled with this years’ Weekend Update: Presidential Election Edition sketches that have been on Thursday nights.  I love them all.  I’m loving Seth, Amy, Kenan, Fred, Darrell and Tina!  It’s all in good fun and I find these sketches rather hilarious.

I don’t think that I have ever had this much fun as a voting American that is just looking for some comedic relief amidst the stoic politicians and worry-stricken people who work for Wall Street.

WATCH TONIGHT FOR THE FINAL ELECTION EDITION OF WEEKEND UPDATE!!

polls, polls, polls…

I’m sooooooooooooo over hearing about political polls.  I am polled out.

Obama spread by double digits…McCain closing the gap…

This is a clip that I have altered for blogging sake that I just have to comment on.  I think—in a nutshell—it shows the utter confusion that is going on and that other Americans out there are experiencing when they hear about the “polls.”

I love reading the news from all news sources…CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and the like…but this one just happens to come from Fox News (obviously)…

I’m not bashing Fox News…this just happened to be what I read as soon as I refreshed their news page…

Goodness gracious…………

Just thought I would share a few more of my thoughts and questions…

Who is being polled?  I haven’t been called…I haven’t been questioned…so who exactly is being polled?  Where do these people live and what does one have to do to get polled?  Do they have to be on some list or something?

taking chances, giving freedom…

16 June 2008 Scripture: Acts 9:26-28

When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple.  But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.  So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely…

Observation

Paul is a new convert to Christianity.  The fact that Paul is a new convert is a feat in itself.  He went from being a persecuter of the church, someone who would beat, enprison and hunt for Christians, to someone who was completely changed by God…a 180 flip.  We see in this scripture that Paul is traveling and looking for fellow Christians but no one wants to befriend him or give him a chance.  Barnabus takes a chance, to the point of risking his life (in his eyes) to vouch for the validity of Paul and the word that the Lord has put in his mouth and brings him before the other disciples.  These disciples, with the heart of their Lord, Jesus  give Paul the benefit of the doubt and mentored him.  Paul was not looked at as a baby Christian, but as someone who’s fruit (the strong word of the Lord in his mouth) enabled him to be amongst the greatest of men.  They did not keep him from preaching because he was not a Christian for his entire life, but they gave him freedom…

Application

I am guilty of judging people like the Christians who would not believe nor have anything to do with Paul.  But I also have been on the side where I have befriended people who were once considered my enemy.

Right now in my life I am in a place where I am allowing the Lord to renew my mind and give me more grace and mercy to turn and actually approach an old and former friend of mine.  I was hurt very bad by her and although I thought I completely released the situation to the Lord, I obviously have not.

Prayer

Lord, help me to forgive and forget like Jesus.  Help me to get out of my comfort zone and please help me find the courage to approach my old friend so that our once friendship can be reconciled.  Amen.

my first painting in a long time…

Just thought I would share this painting with you!  This is my first acrylic painting that I have done in a looooong time.  

I’ve always wanted to try prophetic painting so first thing in the morning a few Saturdays ago I took my drop cloth, my easel, my paints, and a canvas out into my backyard…I turned on my iPod to some worship music from Brian and Jenn Johnson, worshipped for awhile, picked up my brush, and painted what the Lord showed me.  

This whole process was pretty cool…something I would recommend anyone to try!  It’s definitely a great way to start off your day and whole weekend for that matter.

Let me know what you think!

growing impatient…

If you haven’t noticed already…it’s been several weeks if not months since I last posted.  

Reason:  my computer caught a horrific virus while I was looking up Bobby Lee youtube videos (yes…somehow it happened while on youtube Renee).

 

Things in my life haven’t been the same since that fateful day…and I have been missing this blog horribly.  So here I am, sitting on my couch in the living room with only the sound of the ticking clock inside the entertainment center as background noise.

 

The house is empty and I am totally savoring these few quiet moments–no music, no tv, no phone…

 

‘So what have you been up to lately?’ you may ask…

 

Well, I managed to read about 4 books within a 2 week time span…I practiced some prophetic painting last weekend and absolutely loved it…I’ve been preparing to share at “Intimate 2008” (a young women’s conference at my church)…I’ve played with my dog Dakota…I’ve dreamed about doing comedic improv at random places, all the while convincing my friends to record me 😉 …

 

I can sense someone asking ‘Why did you call this blog “growing impatient?” 

 

Well, since my computer crashed I haven’t really been able to keep my life posted via my blog and share it with the world.  I have secretly been really depressed in a way and have been mourning the loss of my computer.  I have this problem of my brain going too fast and processing things so fast that I get frustrated when trying to journal my thoughts on paper.  I can’t write fast enough and to tell you the truth, I have given up many times.  The computer gives me so much freedom to just free write all of my thoughts…all the while my fingers can keep pace with my brain. 

I am growing impatient for a new computer that I could not only blog on, but also edit some of my short form content and get a video blog and or potcast going…

Se la vi I guess for the moment…

Sometimes I feel stupid for keeping my eyes peeled and my expectations high that maybe someone will bless me with a new computer…where they would take me shopping for the exact computer that I have had in mind all along.  Am I stuipd?  Is it just wishful thinking?  

Bahhhh…how much longer must I wait?  (And going into debt and financing a new computer for 5k is not the answer guys…)